Soapbox and Sniffles

I wish I could blog about how much better I feel and how I've been able to workout the last two days but...I'm still sick. I did, however, eat much better for the past two days. I honestly feel that I must blame the Crew game for my not feeling better. Sitting out in the cold (freezing!) air for three hours while jumping up and down yelling at the refs and cheering my team to victory (2-1), seemed to be a bit too much for my system to take. When I got home I crashed. Then I had to get up and try to stay up so I could sleep in the morning (I work 7p -7a) and my body was like WTH woman! On the bright side, I got a call that I won the drawing for the Crew game jersey! They're going to mail it to me since I live two hours away. Anyway I AM starting to feel a bit better, and that's even with a crazy busy night at work. I am also proud to report that I am doing great with avoiding the snacks at work. I've been bringing my own snacks to work and keeping a box of tea in my locker so I don't feel tempted to ruin everything. It is hard, but I am determined to lose the weight. I hate being fat. The thing I hate the most is that, as a nurse, people don't take me seriously. Never mind that I was a fit and athletic firefighter and EMT. Never mind that I played soccer all through school and started running cross country at ten years old. Nope. The fact that I'm fat now is all anybody sees. If I offer someone advice on weight lifting or running, their eyes roll. If I counsel someone on their diet, I get the "Uh-huh, you should take your own advice," look. I wish I could carry around pictures of me from thirteen years ago so when they gave me the looks of disbelief I could shove the photos in their overly critical, judgmental faces and say, "See! You jackass! I wasn't always this way so wipe that stupid look off your face!" The hardest part of being fat isn't the before part. It isn't the after part. It's the during part. It's the part where you've been working out, eating right and you're losing weight, but it's only a couple of pounds a week and it's not really noticeable to anyone yet. You're feeling good about yourself and thinking, "Hell yeah. I can do this. This is going so great." Then you get smacked in the face by one of those judgmental asshats. Maybe you're treating yourself to a mani/pedi because you reached your fifteen pound loss goal. You're in the salon and really enjoying yourself. Then some chick gives you the once over followed by one of those many looks, and all of a sudden your great day is gone. Some random stranger who doesn't have the sense God gave a hamster decides they know all about you just because you're overweight/obese. It would be so easy to say you should just shrug it off and not let them get you down, but we all know how that goes. I wish I could wave a wand over each of these people and let them be fat for a few days. Maybe then they'd get their head out of their ass and have a little compassion. Don't get me wrong. There is a difference between being compassionate and accepting a bunch of excuses. I don't tolerate excuses. I know why I'm fat and I know how I'm getting to be not fat. I also know that I am not omniscient and because of that I don't look at people and cast judgement. Take a good look at yourself. We all have something that someone else considers a flaw.