Thank you guys SO much for your kind words and encouragement! As of right now, the phone conversation with my boss was the last I heard of the situation. In fact, the next night I was scheduled to work, my boss called me to see if I could come in early to help out day shift. Normally I wouldn't have but I wanted to play nice so I helped them out. My boss bought me lunch (in the form of a gift card). I'm not going to say that it's over without a doubt, but all signs point to a good resolution. As one of my co-workers put it, "It would be an awful lot of trouble for them to go through to try to prove you falsified documentation...especially since it didn't happen." It was an encouragement to hear all of their positive comments and offers to write letters of character reference for me to the Patient Relations office. Apparently, I'm not a bad nurse and my co-workers kind of like me.

This Has Nothing to do With Losing Weight but I Had to Write it Out

Somehow when I left work Wednesday morning I just KNEW there would be trouble coming from this certain patient's family member. I had had difficulty with them all night long and I could just feel that she was going to make trouble. She had that aura about her. She didn't listen to my recommendations, but she listened to me enough to twist my words around and then lie about me to Patient Relations which got me an angry phone call from my manager saying that according to this patient's family member, I never listened to the patient's lungs, I was trying to over medicate that patient, and that I was inattentive. She's even accusing me of falsifying documentation because I charted that I assessed the patient's lungs when, according to her, I did not. This is a bunch of bullshit of course. I listen to EVERY patient's heart and lung sounds AT THE VERY LEAST!!!! So my manager says this woman has seven pages of documentation of things I didn't do and on and on and I'm just flabbergasted that someone would go to that length to try to get me in trouble. All I did was try to do what was best for my patient and I was totally slammed with other patients at the same time. I did tell my manager that this particular family member wasn't in the room the whole time, having stepped out of the room to talk on the phone, and possibly just didn't see me doing the assessment (it doesn't take but a couple of minutes to do) and that the family member and I did have a personality conflict that was obvious from the get go, she being adamant that she was a nurse and knew what I was talking about, and also that the family member certainly wasn't writing this seven pages of documentation overnight because she was sleeping. She also accused me of trying to over medicate the patient because I was concerned that she didn't have adequate oral pain med coverage with what the doctor ordered and though the patient was allergic to one pain med I tried to ask if they had discussed alternative pain meds that could give good coverage and not the same response, each time the patient's family member shut me down, interrupting me and not letting me finish. I tried to stress to the patient and the family member that I was simply concerned for the patient's well being and wanted them to have adequate pain control. Now my job AND my license are in jeopardy because of this woman and her lies. I have NO idea what I did that would cause someone to try to go that far to get me in trouble. I am praying but I will be honest...managers and patient relations people are politicians and almost always side with the patient. Though they can't PROVE I didn't do an assessment, it's only my word that says I did. I just don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out. My stomach is in knots. My hands are all sweaty. I'm having a fight or flight response and I'm a fighter with nothing to fight except accusations from someone bearing false witness. It's an attack through and through and I can only pray that it will be resolved without any discipline on my license and without me losing my job.

One Line is A Good Sign

     Ladies, you know that line I'm talking about. One line good. Two lines and there is usually a rather emotional response. Now this is just in MY case. In many cases that second line is eagerly anticipated and dreamed about nightly. In fact, that second line can be what consumes some folks lives. I love both of my "second lines" dearly and don't regret their being for one second. I even plan on having another one. Just not. right. now. While it might seem like no big deal to some people, I am one of those folks who knows from experience that no matter how prepared you are, a child completely changes the dynamic of your life. It doesn't matter if you already have one (or more), that addition changes things. It might seem cruel that where some have trouble making that miracle occur I have just the opposite issue. I won't go in to the dirty details (your welcome) so let's just say that no matter what form of birth control I use, have used, or will use, I always have a HPT on hand (usually more than one). 
     Here's why NOW is NOT a good time for that second line to pop up: 1) I'm still far to obese to support a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and recovery. While many women my size and age have had healthy pregnancies, uncomplicated deliveries, and require minimal recovery; my history of two complicated pregnancies, two c-section deliveries, and one post-op complication means that the closer I am to my goal weight when I get pregnant, the better the chances for me and the baby. 2) I am moving to California this year. Getting pregnant would delay that move by at least a year to allow for the pregnancy and post-op period. You can't get short-term disability if you haven't been with a hospital for at least a year and that is how most nurses make ends meet when they are off for maternity leave (STD usually pays out 60% of your salary for up to six months). Plus...what hospital in California is going to hire a nurse knowing she's pregnant and going to be off for at least six weeks only a short time after being hired? I wouldn't. 3) I JUST got back in the game! I want to see that scale going down! I want to buy smaller clothes and then smaller and smaller, etc! I want to start running again (safely)! I have other fitness and health goals but you get the point. I'd like to achieve the BIG ones before I get pregnant again.  So fare I've taken two test and both were negative. If I don't get the definitive answer in the next few days, I'll test again on Sunday. Wish me luck because I'd really like to be all healthy and settled in California before bringing the next mini-me into the world.

Back In Action

Today was my first (authorized) day back in the gym. I had NO pain in my foot, NO pain in my ribs, and I could actually breathe. It was AWESOME!!! I had to cut my cardio back by five minutes due to some intense lung burning (probably due to some scarring caused by the pneumonia) but it was only five minutes and that is acceptable for now. I then went on to have an awesome upper body workout. I'm so glad to be back in action. I was seriously starting to get the Black Dog following me and it was NOT Sirius Black. When I went in to the gym and scanned my card the manager was at the desk and he said, "Rebecca! Good to see you back and on the mend!" So sweet of him. I know my tendency to overdue it when I feel good so I'm taking tomorrow to rest and then going back on Wednesday. I can already tell that my arms are going to be sore tomorrow. Is it weird that that makes me smile?

It Happens

Hey there blog land! I know we haven't talked in awhile, but it doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you. My life went into a tailspin of illness and injury and it's still not over. I haven't quite been able to kick the pneumonia completely and even though the stress fracture in my foot has healed...my heel is now shooting red hot pokers up my calf. On top of that in a sleep induced haze I tripped over my dog and did a swan dive into my closet, seriously bruising the crap out of my ribs. If it wasn't so painful...I'd be rolling on the floor laughing at my misfortune. Actually I have been laughing at my misfortune because let's face it, it's funny. I haven't been this clumsy since I was a small child. Needless to say, I have been on hiatus from dieting and exercising. Please forgive me friends and please pray for my speedy recovery.

Faux Pas

Um, yeah. So I've been in a real rut for the last week because I've been battling a case of pneumonia. I hate being sick but most of all I got depressed because my doc told me I couldn't workout until the pneumonia was cleared up. I had just gotten into a routine of eating right and going to the gym and then BLAMMO! Stupid pneumonia. Well it's clearing up finally but it's taking some time. I am not good about eating right when I'm sick and on top of that I've still been working (because if I can get the hours I'm working them after the past couple months of being forced to not work), so I've been MIA because I'm ashamed of myself. There are plenty of folks who can get sick and not throw everything out the window. I thought I was one but not this time. Yesterday I was helping another nurse with a VERY confused and agitated patient and in the midst of making sure she didn't fall and break her hip, she repeatedly called me a big, fat, hog. That did not help my mood. Stupid confused patients. Stupid pneumonia. Stupid rut. Well, I'm not going to take it anymore. Screw everything. I may not be able to exercise but dammit I can eat right.